The Great Transition: The Emotional Reality After College Drop-Off

Dealing with Homesickness

The student may also experience homesickness. Research suggests that homesickness is common during the transition to college and, for some students, can temporarily interfere with adjustment and social functioning. Importantly, it often improves over time as students establish new routines and relationships.

Parents can help by establishing expectations about communication before the child leaves. For example, a family might agree on a reasonable way to stay connected: a phone call, text or video call at an agreed-upon frequency. The important distinction is that communication should provide connection and reassurance without becoming surveillance.

Dr. Abraham adds, “I also encourage parents to tell their children something very important before they leave: Let them know that if they are ever in trouble, they can call you. You may deal with the consequences later, but first you are going to make sure they are safe."

Knowing that they can call home without fear of immediate judgment or punishment can make it more likely that a young adult will reach out when they genuinely need help.

For the parent, however, this is also a transition that deserves attention. An empty nest does not automatically cause depression, and many parents experience the transition positively. But for some people, particularly those whose identity and daily routine have been heavily centered around parenting, the change can create loneliness, loss of purpose or emotional distress.

Research on major life transitions supports the idea that significant changes in family roles can affect mental health, although the experience varies considerably from person to person.

Changes in Routine and Family Dynamics Can Affect Parents’ Mental Health

When a child leaves home, the change is not simply that one person is physically absent. The entire family system changes.

Parents may suddenly have more unstructured time, different household responsibilities and a quieter home. Some people welcome that change; others initially experience it as unsettling or even empty. A parent may realize that much of their daily routine, social life and identity had been organized around their children.

Embrace New Opportunities

Dr. Abraham emphasizes, “That is why I advise parents to begin thinking about the transition as an opportunity for their own development — not simply as something they must endure.”

Reconnect with your partner, friends or family. Revisit interests that may have been put aside while raising children, such as exercise, travel, or volunteering, if possible. Become involved in your community. Take a class, find something that gives your time meaning.

Most importantly, maintain social connection. Having someone, a partner, friend, family member, therapist or support group, with whom you can regularly check in can be extremely helpful.

There is also an important distinction between missing your child and being clinically depressed. Missing your child, feeling emotional, crying or having moments of loneliness can be normal responses to a major transition. Persistent symptoms that interfere with sleep, appetite, concentration, functioning or the ability to enjoy life deserve greater attention.

Tips for Prioritizing Your Own Mental Health During This Transition

One of the most practical things parents can do is apply the same principle to themselves that they apply to their children: stay connected.

If you know another parent who is going through the same transition, talk to them. You may find that simply realizing, "I'm not the only person feeling this way," is enormously reassuring. Parent groups, school communities, faith communities, community organizations and support groups can all provide connection.

“I also encourage parents to intentionally create structure in their own lives. Exercise regularly, prioritize sleep, maintain a healthy diet, spend time with people who make you feel supported and make room for activities that you genuinely enjoy. These are not luxuries; they are part of maintaining emotional resilience,” added Dr. Abraham.

If you have more time because your child is away, think about things you have wanted to do but may have postponed for years:

• Reconnect with an old hobby or start a new one
• Learn something new
• Volunteer
• Become involved in your community
• Spend time with your partner or friends

This is the time to build a life that is fulfilling in addition to being a parent.

And stay connected with your child, but remember that connection does not have to mean constant contact. Sometimes a simple text saying, "I love you. I hope you have a good day. I'm here if you need me," is enough.

Ultimately, our job as parents is not to eliminate every risk or prevent our children from ever experiencing trouble. Our job is to give them the foundation to navigate difficulty while knowing that they have a safe place to come home to.

And that applies to parents as well. We are allowed to miss our children. We are allowed to feel emotional about their growing independence. We are allowed to have mixed feelings about a new chapter.

The goal is not to stop being a parent when our child leaves home. The goal is to learn how to be their parent in a new way and to give ourselves permission to grow into our own new chapter as well.

When to Seek Additional Support

Some degree of worry and sadness is a normal response to a major life transition. Anxiety and depression become more concerning when these emotions are persistent, difficult to control or begin interfering with daily functioning.

Seek professional help if you are experiencing ongoing, excessive worry, significant sleep disruption, difficulty concentrating, persistent irritability, changes in appetite, loss of interest or pleasure, or symptoms that are significantly affecting your relationships, work or daily life.

It is also important not to wait until symptoms become severe. Psychotherapy can be useful for helping people understand and manage anxiety, particularly when stress is persistent or begins affecting functioning. Depending on the diagnosis and severity of symptoms, medication may also be prescribed if appropriate.

Learn more about the Behavioral Health Services at Catholic Health.

If you are experiencing a mental crisis and need assistance, contact Behavioral Health Central Intake Services at (516) 705-2248.